Dealing with the death of a loved one is always a difficult
thing…but when that loved one was young, fit, and vibrant, it’s even harder. On Nov. 2, this community lost a phenomenal
individual: LeAnn Rhoades. She was a positive soul. She carried an energetic
spirit. She had a contagious smile. She was my friend.
Dealing with her death, which came far too soon at the age
of 39, I struggled with my own feelings of how to handle it. Aren’t people
older than you supposed to die first? It wasn’t fair. It was plain wrong. The
week immediately afterward, I simply walked around like a deer in the
headlights saying “it’s wrong.” It wasn’t exactly the best way to deal with
death…but it’s what I did.
The good news is that I am in the majority because most people
do not handle death very well. According to the American Psychological
Association, dealing with the loss of a loved one is one of the hardest
challenges we will face. The grief is pretty intense and often places people in
states of shock and confusion, which lead to prolonged periods of sadness or
depression. Time is often the key because we, as humans, need to grieve to
overcome the feelings and embrace the love and time you had with the individual
who is now gone.
Mounds of research have shown that death invokes significant
stress for those left behind. In fact,
some start to contemplate their own demise and sink into an emotional state identified
as death anxiety. As death anxiety grows, the individual often struggles to
function appropriately, negatively affecting their job, family and general
living capabilities. Moving on with your life is a key part of your survival.
The American Psychological Association suggests five key
ways to help you move on with your life:
1. Talk about it. Don’t keep your feelings bottled up as
that will make the grief more intense. Talk about with family and friends and
share the memories you have with your loved one. Yes, you’ll likely cry and
laugh, but you need the release to begin to heal.
2. Accept your feelings. A myriad of emotions will pour out
in times of high stress like death. Sadness, anger, frustration, and exhaustion
are normal. Allow them to happen as you will fare better through the grieving
process.
3. Take care of yourself. Eat, sleep, and exercise. Make
sure you take care of yourself because a lack of food, sleep and physical
activity will create additional stressors on your body that you do not need
during this time period.
4. Reach out for help. For some, getting professional help
for a short period of time will help. Sharing your story with an objective
listener can be therapeutic and help you heal smoothly.
5. Celebrate your loved one. Hold a dinner in their honor,
make a donation in their name, post a memorial to your Facebook page…any and
all of these will keep the memory of your loved one alive. It will also help
you remember the good times you had.
I am now in the celebrating LeAnn phase of my recovery. For
me, LeAnn was my inspiration to become certified to teach Les Mills’ BodyPumpTM,
a group fitness class. The Tuesday following her death, I dedicated my class
routine in LeAnn’s memory – and 25 class participants got to see a little piece
of LeAnn in me. That gift that LeAnn gave me will always be with me. And, for
that, I am truly grateful.
For those who have recently lost a loved one, please know
that you are not alone in your grief. Work through it by the aforementioned
five suggestions. You will find that you will come out the other side with a
fresh and renewed celebration of your deceased family member or friend.
Ironically, you will end up seeing that person in many things that you do. YOU
will carry that person’s spirit with you.
Works used for this article:
American Psychological Association. (2014). Grief: Coping
with the loss of your loved one. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/grief.aspx
Sliter, M. T., Sinclair, R. R., Yuan, Z., and Mohr, C. D.
(2014). Don’t fear the reaper: Trait death anxiety, mortality salience, and
occupational health. Journal of Applied Psychology, 99(4), 759-769.
